Beautiful

I was thinking today about how much I've struggled with not feeling desirable to guys... feeling like there's something wrong with me or that I fail at something, and maybe that's why I've never dated, been kissed, or been legitly pursued. And I realized, I AM good enough for an awesome guy. I shouldn't be ashamed that I have pain in my life (in more ways than one) I shouldn't constantly be worrying about if I'm pretty enough to capture attention, and I should never doubt my worth. I've been chosen by God for some good purpose, and he's kept me pretty darn close to innocent so far. I often wish I had a "past" or a good story to tell, but I don't. I'm just little innocent Alanna, the sinner redeemed by grace, and made holy through Christ, the girl who fails all the time but is in reality very good (only because of Christ in my life). I know that if I didn't have Jesus, I'd be what the Bible calls "a child of darkness, loving the sinful things done in the night"... because those things have been given so much glamor and made to seem so fun... are at times very fun. I want things in my life that are beautiful and good and fun... and sometimes scandalous and sexy too... I want to be the innocent hot girl who's easy to fall in love with and hard to find fault in. I look at biblical lists of what I should be, as a woman of God, and I actually do succeed at most of the things on them (sure I suck up alot of them at moments... but for the majority of my time I do well.) I may not be model material, I may not have many happy things in my life, I may be very innocent, and I will mess up. But I'm telling you today, that I am a woman worth fighting for. I give love like nobody's business, I cook, clean, and do hard work like a champ, I'm not perfect but I shine Christ's perfection. I love to have fun, I'm loyal to people, and I love to serve others. I complain so much less than I probably should (ask me about that... It sounds kinda funny, but it's true.) I really don't have that intense of a "list", aka I'm not picky, and I fall in love easily. I like people with pasts and issues and problems, because they're real and know their need for Jesus. I want respect, because sometimes I'm not good at demanding it, and I get hurt deeply by people who love to cut me down.

I'm not perfect, but I'm good. I'm no model, but I'm beautiful. I want love, and I'm worth it. 
Dear man of my dreams, Pick me. You won't regret it.

PS: I'm kind of scary to some, because I have a big personality... but I had to force myself away from shyness a long time ago. So even though I'm bold and ridiculous at times, I have a quiet shy sensitive side that is much more prominent than it may seem.

All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. ~ Song of Solomon 4:7

Whether you take that verse as coming from god as a love letter, or from a man to a woman, it says that God made me well, and he made me perfectly in his eyes.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~ Psalm 139:14

I am wonderful, God made me, and I should really stop insulting his work. I know better.