Insecurity. What is it? Why must we all have so much of it? Why are we so unhappy with what we have, always wanting something different? Today a friend commented on a picture of mine telling me how jealous she is of my beauty... what? (this is a girl I've always thought was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen... in a way
I was jealous of
her for a time) I find that every person I've talked to, regardless of if they're girl or guy, knows things that are wrong with them, physically, emotionally, spiritually... why? Some of these are things we can't change short of plastic surgery (i'm not promoting that) others, yes, we can work on them with the grace of god. For instance, I know things in my spiritual life that need alot of work, things in my thought life, things in my attitude, and I'm working on those... but other things, things that are part of who I am and I'm stuck with forever... I think about them, I look in the mirror and think "if only, this..." or "I wish, that..." Why be so insecure when there's not a damn thing we can do about it (sorry, but honestly... it's stupid!) When I've not done my makeup I think to myself, "what if people think I'm ugly" (now really, there are days when I could care less... but I'm a stupid vain human... I have my moments all the time). For another example, I got my nose pierced yesterday (ring... not stud) and I like it, but I had the fleeting thought today (about people that I know) "what if they think I'm only doing this to "fit in" or "stand out"???" I'm not. Why should I even worry about that? Psh!!! I've shared heart to hearts with many guy friends and girl friends alike, and whether we like to admit it or not, we all have at least some thoughts like this... no mater if we say that we don't. *sigh* So my point is this (and I know I need to dwell on this too)
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139:13-16
Yes, I know you've probably heard this before... but just dwell on it again. I don't care how many times you've heard it, it still very much applies. Posh knosh, hopefully I'll get it figured out someday, eh?
I really should have been in bed like two hours ago... So night!
Alanna
