So, it's my birthday, and it's kinda weird really, because instead of a holiday or celebratory day, in my mind it almost just serves as an obvious day that marks the fact that another year has gone by. I remember when i was really little, my birthday was the best day in the entire year, i'd get out of bed as early as humanly possible, get a phenomenal breakfast, extra love all day, special meals and snacks, lots and bunches of gifts, and just a magical day in every aspect. I look back now and wish i could be that child again, so innocent, so carefree. But that's life, moving on either too slow or too fast for us, leaving us usually wanting more. I know that there won't really be many presents this year, no special breakfast, extra love, or eager anticipation. But i'm ok with that. I'm a big kid, i'm sure i can make myself breakfast, and really with the extra love thing, i'm sure i'll manage to get along without it, that's something about which i've had to learn a lot of hard things this past year. I don't really need presents to survive (ha, good one) and there's not all that much by way of special snacks in the house this year either... but that's ok. I know that not too long ago i would have felt totally cheated by all of these things, but i've been forced to mature through many hard things, and god is building onto my wisdom and strength daily. So i don't mind if everything's not all about me tomorrow. Money's tight in my house right now... like really tight, so even things that i would have taken for granted before, for no occasion, i now see as extras. My life is so, so different than it was a year ago, if someone told me last birthday all of the things i'd have to go through before it rolled around again... i might have believed about a quarter of it. But i'm glad i went through what i've been through, i know so much more, i'd like to think i'm wiser and smarter, and i have stronger faith than ever. My faith is something i've never let go of... but i've been very close to just saying screw it all, so i thank god i'm here today. I'm not on the other side yet, in fact i'm still right in the middle of the shadow, but trusting, hoping and thanking god that he'll get me through. I've had to learn about myself, my emotions, and my reliance a whole darn lot, and make some really painful choices along the way. But i'm here, alive, hoping. I made it through yet another year with no relationship whatsoever. Sweet 16 came and went and i've still never been kissed. I don't regret that. there's been no one worth a kiss in my life yet... at least no one who's realized it, and i'm ok with that. Like any other girl i have tons of stupid dreams and wishes that i pray will come true one day soon. But hey, it's my birthday, i'm allowed to wish for a little magic.
