You act like you deserve every drop of my love. You say it's all my fault, that I have issues. You act like you don't know how I feel about you. You say I'm wrong to have lost all respect for you... but in all honesty, If I wasn't trying to be indifferent to all that you say, do, and are, I would be in the dirt. I would be broken, and used and unlovable. I'm not to the point of being able to be cold to you, I still end up crying when you scream at me. but I can tell I'm getting closer. You've beat me around my whole life and I've just taken it, thought it was my fault and that everyone worked this way. but NO, I REFUSE to live just bowing down, and in extension, holding you before god. I mean, I don't know what the hell you want from me, is it my love? I gave it to you boundlessly for years, and you threw it in the dirt. Is it respect? I've long given it to you, but you ceased to be worthy of it even before I can remember. Do you want me to be your slave? You sure act like you do. You lived a hard life, yes, but that gives you NO RIGHT to make my life hell. Mine and everyone who really knows you. I'm not a hater, I love so fricken easily it's not even funny. You're the first person I've ever wanted to hate like this... I don't like it, I don't want to hate you, but if I don't... I'll end up killing myself, maybe just emotionally... but who really knows. I can't even make you see what you've been and done to me... I'm literally to nice for my own good. I don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you what a monster you are. I can't even express to you just how little slips past my lips, in comparison to all of the things that need said, the things that are the truth. You call me entitled and spoiled, when all I've ever really wanted was your love, your stamp of approval and your apology. You wonder why I run myself close to death doing things, and doing more things... the truth is that I only do most of those things because I hate it here, and every second I'm around you it's like I'm getting hit by knives, ones you pretend you aren't even aware of,ones you throw. So yes, I'm done with giving you my love freely. I've always wondered why you don't have friends... but I know it's because you'd treat them like trash too, just like you do to anyone who's close enough to you. I can't do alot about you, I can't change you or even help you anymore... but I can shut my heart to you, and run. I've tried every other solution and this was my last resort, but you've pushed me so far over the edge that I can't ever get back.
