My heart is beating in my head, I can't get it out. I feel like there's a vice grip on my skull, along with chisels and needles and screw drivers and a giant kick drum. I can almost not think about doing anything but popping a whole bottle of drugs just to make the pain go away.
WHY? why is this happening? I thought my physical AND emotional pain was as bad as it could be... and today it's even worse.
Why doesn't God just take this away? pull through for me for once?... I don't know ANYTHING, but I want to know nothing. I want to just be stolen away into some magical kingdom of bliss. I wouldn't care if I never came back. Even though there are a few good things here, I would trade them all just to be pain free, to be rid of all of my junk. I really wanted to flip my car the other day... for no particular reason, my head just kept saying that it was a good idea. Obviously I didn't... and I'm not suicidal. but I would love to go home.