To be desired... that's what I want, as a human. My affections are desired by God, yes. But I want to be desired by humans (*human) I've not had that before... or I should say, I've never been desired by someone who's worthy to desire me. Or if I have... well I'm not aware of it (men are a bunch of pansies for the most part) I don't see myself as being beautiful, because I've NEVER had that validated. (yeah, I'm beautiful to God and he made me...but it would be awesome to be wanted by humans). I want to be wanted, and pursued, and sought after like a princess, and be desired in every sense of the word. I want someone to love my spirit, and to love the Jesus in me... But as a human, I want to have someone who's jaw drops when they see me, and I want to be the person who turns them on like none other... excuse my honesty, but I want to be seen as the girl who's hotter than hades and amazing in bed.
Disclaimer: I hope it's obvious that I'm putting this in the context of marriage... but If not, I do mean it that way. I don't/won't sleep around. I don't/won't dress like a slut (except for my husband), and I'm not a crass individual... this is just me being honest.
I desire to be desired... and I'm not all that picky. I have a list, and things that have to be in the person who I'll allow to pursue me. If I meet someone with all of those qualities, even if they're not all that hot to human eyes, I know I'll want him.
Let me lay this out really quickly, Girls (me) when aware of someone's desire for them, love that so much that it almost doesn't matter what said person looks like. Even though I have things that I'd love in the looks department, I'm pretty sure they'll fly right out the window if the personality and the desire are there.
I've had several guys in the last couple months give me their numbers, or ask for mine... or just straight up hit on me, or tell others their really interested... but they either have been creeps, or strangers, or they haven't been man enough to tell/ask me. I HATE that! When guys that aren't good for me hit on me, I wish I could just say yes and drop my standards in the dirt... as bad as that may sound, it's totally true. When guys who would be potentials hint around, or straight up tell my friends that they're interested, and then don't pursue me, or just stop talking to me all together... It makes me think there's something wrong with me, or that I'm not desireable. And then I'm pretty sure there are guys who are just too scared to do a thing, and remain in the friend zone. News flash: You're not getting out of the friend zone unless you express at least a little interest in moving up. I'm not one of those girls who flirts with guys who have given 0 signs of interest, just because I might be interested. Don't get me wrong, I flirt with guys who are hot. I'm fully able to flirt or even seduce... I just don't like relationships where the girl leads and initiates everything. I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship. I'll be an equal, but not the leader, I refuse. Even though the whole thing today is that it doesn't matter who asks who out, I want to be the askee, not the asker. I'm a prize to be won, not a lost puppy in desperate need of a home.
I tend to be attracted to "harder" guys. Guys with a past, guys who are real, honest and sometimes even bad. I love it when a guy will be good enough to hold a door for the elderly, or love on the little kid without a dad... and straight up love people...but I want the same guy to listen to sometimes not so clean music, be tattooed and pierced, and have a real relationship with God, not a legalistic one. So oftentimes, I'm attracted to bad boys gone good... I'm not "too good" for anyone. I'm a sinner, I've messed up, but I have Jesus. He is the only thing that makes me worthy of a good guy... and he's one of the root things on my "list", everything else pretty much stems from him. So yeah, I'm good enough (because of Christ) to ask for a worthy guy (also because of Christ)... Men, you're flawed, you're scarred and you have issues... but step up, be ok with being a man of God, and nothing more. Thats what I want. Be bold, and honest, not embarrassed of your past or your emotions...
*sigh* I hope you who know me view me as beautiful, or hot, or pretty... or whatever... I don't see it or think it, but I hope to find someone who does.
Fully in Christ,
<3 Alanna
Disclaimer: I hope it's obvious that I'm putting this in the context of marriage... but If not, I do mean it that way. I don't/won't sleep around. I don't/won't dress like a slut (except for my husband), and I'm not a crass individual... this is just me being honest.
I desire to be desired... and I'm not all that picky. I have a list, and things that have to be in the person who I'll allow to pursue me. If I meet someone with all of those qualities, even if they're not all that hot to human eyes, I know I'll want him.
Let me lay this out really quickly, Girls (me) when aware of someone's desire for them, love that so much that it almost doesn't matter what said person looks like. Even though I have things that I'd love in the looks department, I'm pretty sure they'll fly right out the window if the personality and the desire are there.
I've had several guys in the last couple months give me their numbers, or ask for mine... or just straight up hit on me, or tell others their really interested... but they either have been creeps, or strangers, or they haven't been man enough to tell/ask me. I HATE that! When guys that aren't good for me hit on me, I wish I could just say yes and drop my standards in the dirt... as bad as that may sound, it's totally true. When guys who would be potentials hint around, or straight up tell my friends that they're interested, and then don't pursue me, or just stop talking to me all together... It makes me think there's something wrong with me, or that I'm not desireable. And then I'm pretty sure there are guys who are just too scared to do a thing, and remain in the friend zone. News flash: You're not getting out of the friend zone unless you express at least a little interest in moving up. I'm not one of those girls who flirts with guys who have given 0 signs of interest, just because I might be interested. Don't get me wrong, I flirt with guys who are hot. I'm fully able to flirt or even seduce... I just don't like relationships where the girl leads and initiates everything. I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship. I'll be an equal, but not the leader, I refuse. Even though the whole thing today is that it doesn't matter who asks who out, I want to be the askee, not the asker. I'm a prize to be won, not a lost puppy in desperate need of a home.
I tend to be attracted to "harder" guys. Guys with a past, guys who are real, honest and sometimes even bad. I love it when a guy will be good enough to hold a door for the elderly, or love on the little kid without a dad... and straight up love people...but I want the same guy to listen to sometimes not so clean music, be tattooed and pierced, and have a real relationship with God, not a legalistic one. So oftentimes, I'm attracted to bad boys gone good... I'm not "too good" for anyone. I'm a sinner, I've messed up, but I have Jesus. He is the only thing that makes me worthy of a good guy... and he's one of the root things on my "list", everything else pretty much stems from him. So yeah, I'm good enough (because of Christ) to ask for a worthy guy (also because of Christ)... Men, you're flawed, you're scarred and you have issues... but step up, be ok with being a man of God, and nothing more. Thats what I want. Be bold, and honest, not embarrassed of your past or your emotions...
*sigh* I hope you who know me view me as beautiful, or hot, or pretty... or whatever... I don't see it or think it, but I hope to find someone who does.
Fully in Christ,
<3 Alanna
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