Robot (with no batteries)

I can't do this anymore. I've been exactly what I've "needed" to be, what I thought I was supposed to be. But it's not me. There's a girl who I was made to be... and I'm not her. I'm in a world where I'm lost even though I have Jesus, it makes no sense. I hide every conceivable bit of pain that I can, and put on fake "perfection in imperfection"... I'm a robot. I can't remember the last time I cried before tonight. I've become so good at pain that I can mask my every emotion. I know that, and I'm trying to train myself to be more human again. I may be a robot... but one with dead or missing batteries. There's absolutely no reason that I'm still functioning.
I don't know why God couldn't have taken me this weekend, just let me break my neck and be done with it.
I'm at a place where I don't even care what my "great future" is... or if I'm impacting people, or even if I have some huge purpose down the line. I just. don't. care anymore. I can't care, if I do I'll kill myself. I've got too much on my plate and none of it is good... or even healthy, and more just keeps getting added to it.
I want to be in a world of beauty... but I'm stuck with only pain.

I can't even stand, but I'm forced to run.
I cant breathe, but I'm singing.
I can't move, but I'm fighting.
I can't speak, but I'm praying.
My voice is gone, but I'm screaming.
My heartbeat has stopped, but I'm still loving.

I. am. done.