Plastic

I got told last night that I'm really good at plastic... and I am... but let me back up really quickly and explain myself... by plastic, I mean fake and shinny and what you think people want to see; Always happy, and pain-free, and gung ho about life, and just plain perfect. I'm not perfect, and I'm ok with letting people see that... but there are many imperfect things all around me, that I wish weren't there, and therein lies my reason for plastic: If I don't want things there, why acknowledge them to other people, or even act like they're there? I hate plastic people... I'm a big fan of transparency (I assume that's self explanatory... seeing people and their lives at face value with no fakeness) I work hard at being transparent... but if I wasn't plastic sometimes... I'd have no friends... because they wouldn't be able to/want to deal with my problems. I let people see who I really am, there's no hiding that... but I don't really let them see my pain. I'm usually in physical pain; I have really bad headaches, my muscles all  hate me for some reason, my feel swell like a pregnant woman, and many other things. I'm usually in emotional pain; I don't like where I am and don't have/see any path out yet... It's really hard for me to trust that God is good, and has a plan. But I still cling to it with every last fiber of my being. So while I hate plastic... I often am plastic. I don't hate myself per say, but I often don't like myself. Let me just say really quickly that, yes, there are appropriate places for plastic. Say for instance you signed up for something to serve other people... it's ok to be real and honest- sometimes you can be even more of a ministry that way- but when we're somewhere to serve others, our main focus... is not on our own problems, it's on other people. So no, I'm not ok... but who really is, in this messed up place? My dream... well, obviously is ultimately heaven... but for here I wish people could be open enough to tell anyone their insecuritys, and problems, and willing enough to hear about others real, transparent lives. Everyone's got issues... if you don't right now, you will. Everyone is plastic to some extent. But let's strive for transparency together.

Hoping for my future,

Alanna Dorene Kraft